THE MENTOR I DIDN’T HAVE TAUGHT ME THE MENTOR I WANT TO BE

By Loraine Strydom.

When I look back on more than two decades in the legal profession, there is one thing I wish I had experienced during the formative years of my career: a female mentor. I did not have someone who could guide me through the particular challenges of building a career as a woman in law. Much of what I learnt, I learnt through experience, by adapting to the demands of the profession and, often, by finding my own way.
At the time, I did not necessarily think of this as something that would shape the kind of leader I wanted to become. But looking back, I realise that the absence of a mentor ultimately taught me the value of becoming one for others. Building a career in law is demanding. Building one while simultaneously becoming a wife and raising children brings another layer of complexity.
There were long hours at the office, significant professional responsibilities and the inevitable occasions when one or both of my children were ill or needed me. I learnt to make alternative arrangements and constantly balance competing responsibilities.
I was fortunate to have a supportive husband and a mother who was always close by and able to assist. But I also became increasingly aware that not every young woman has that kind of support system. That experience shaped one of my fundamental beliefs about professional equality: treating people equally does not necessarily mean treating everyone identically.
People arrive at work carrying different circumstances, responsibilities and pressures. Sometimes the support one person needs will look very different from the support another requires. Recognising that difference does not diminish professional standards or ambition. It allows people to navigate their circumstances while still being given the opportunity to succeed.
Looking back, there are several things I wish someone had told me earlier in my career. I did not have to have everything figured out. Asking for guidance was not a sign of weakness. Being ambitious did not make me less of a mother, wife or woman. Having children did not mean that my professional ambitions had to end. And there would be seasons in life when work demanded more of me, and seasons when family did. These may seem like simple observations, but sometimes it is the simple things we need to hear when we are trying to find our place in a demanding profession.
During my earlier years in practice, including when I was involved in the practical vocational training of candidate attorneys, I consciously tried to encourage, motivate and support young women entering the legal profession. I did not necessarily think of those interactions as “mentoring” at the time. I was simply trying to give them something I had not had myself: someone who understood that there was a person behind the professional title. What I did not realise then was the lasting impact that seemingly small interactions could have.
Years later, some of the young women I had supported had themselves become experienced female attorneys. When they shared their experiences with me and told me how much my encouragement, motivation and support had meant to them, those conversations were incredibly meaningful. Many were now navigating some of the same challenges I had once experienced, including balancing demanding careers with family life. It made me realise that we often do not know the impact we are having while we are having it.
A conversation. A word of encouragement. A little flexibility during a difficult period. Simply treating a young professional with dignity and understanding. These moments can stay with someone for years. Mentorship is not always one significant intervention. Sometimes it is the accumulation of small moments in which someone feels seen, supported and believed in.
For me, mentoring someone is about much more than teaching them how to become a technically stronger lawyer. Of course, professional knowledge matters. But so do confidence, resilience, judgement, self-awareness, communication and the ability to navigate uncertainty. The goal should be to help young professionals become well-rounded practitioners who can ultimately become leaders in their own right. That is why I also believe mentorship should not create dependence. The purpose of empowerment is to equip someone with the confidence, skills and support to eventually stand on their own. And, ideally, to empower someone else.
This belief has become an increasingly important part of my own leadership journey and has more recently found a structured expression through Herold Gie Attorneys’ Associates Forum. I am one of three directors who spearhead the Associates Forum, which was formally launched in April this year as a structured platform for the professional development and mentorship of associates across the firm.
The Forum is inclusive of all departments and was created to ensure that professional development, mentorship and leadership opportunities are accessible to associates across the firm, regardless of their practice area. Our associates will participate in training courses, professional events and other upskilling opportunities as they arise. Importantly, it is not only about formal training. There is a place for structured mentoring, director-led sessions and professional development opportunities. But there also needs to be space for candid conversations — for young professionals to ask questions, raise concerns, share ideas and talk about the challenges they are experiencing. For me, these opportunities matter because professional development does not happen only in a training room. Sometimes it happens in a conversation. Sometimes it happens when a young professional has the opportunity to sit across the table from someone more experienced and ask a question they may otherwise have been reluctant to ask. And sometimes it happens simply because someone took the time to listen.
Being one of the directors spearheading the Associates Forum is both a privilege and, in many ways, humbling. What began earlier in my career as an informal desire to support and encourage young women has evolved into a structured commitment to developing the next generation of professionals. Reaching a position of leadership is meaningful. But being able to use that position to create opportunities for others is, to me, even more meaningful.
I particularly want young women entering the legal profession to see that it is possible to build a meaningful and successful career without necessarily feeling that they have to choose between professional achievement and having a fulfilling personal life. That does not mean pretending that balancing the two is always easy. It isn’t. It means being honest about the challenges, sharing what we have learnt and helping younger women understand that there is no single formula for building a successful career. My experiences outside the law have reinforced this belief too.
I enjoy endurance sport. Through it, I’ve learned that demanding challenges are the best teacher of resilience, discipline and perspective. There are many parallels between endurance sport and a
professional career. Neither is built on one extraordinary effort. Both require consistency, preparation, perseverance and the ability to keep going when things become difficult. The same can be said of developing people.
We cannot expect one conversation, one course or one opportunity to transform someone’s career. Development happens over time. It requires patience, encouragement, accountability and the opportunity to learn — including from mistakes. Making time for interests outside of work, whether through gardening, painting, sport or spending time with family and friends, has also reminded me of the importance of perspective and self-care while pursuing professional ambitions. These are lessons I hope to share with the young professionals I encounter.
In many ways, my career has come full circle. I may not have had a female mentor during the formative years of my career, but that absence ultimately taught me the value of becoming one. Today, I believe experienced women have a responsibility to open doors for those coming behind them. We do not necessarily have to solve every problem for younger women. Sometimes empowerment is much simpler. It can mean sharing our experiences honestly. Making an introduction or creating an opportunity. Encouraging someone when they doubt themselves. Giving them the space to make mistakes and learn from them. Advocating for them when they are not in the room. Or simply asking: “How are you doing?” These actions may seem small, but I have learnt that we should never underestimate their impact.
A career is not simply about the position we eventually reach. It is also about what we do with the experience we have accumulated along the way.
I may not have had the mentor I needed at the beginning of my career, but looking back, I realise that the true measure of a career lies not in how high you climb, but how many people you help rise with you – and that is the legacy I would be proud to leave.